cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
