I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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