Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She bit a glass in half.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
