That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
