i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
