You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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