We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
