Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
