do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
