Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize