I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
