I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
