the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
