I am puke
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We're too hungover to prance.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
