I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize