I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I look better un-naked...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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