yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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