Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize