Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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