Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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