remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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