my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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