I am puke
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
where am i from again
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
