There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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