I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
