my shit smells like andre
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
