I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
