yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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