I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
