Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
