I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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