i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
