The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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