i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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