You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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