i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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