i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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