Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He passed out mid-signature
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
