Where is the hickey?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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