i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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