Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
