hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
