I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
