That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
