He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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