capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
