You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
