he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
