I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
