I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
