Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
