HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
