I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
