Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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