i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
