plz talk dirty to me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
