Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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