i permit you to call me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
