wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
