Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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