I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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