I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
