my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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