i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
