Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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