Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
