Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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