I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
