your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
