there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
