her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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