Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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