I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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