chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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